My dearest wife Lydia (I'm using her blogger name for the sake of the blog) posted on this very same topic on our writer blog. Apparently, watching Spiderman 3 on FX while doing laundry at your mom's house after the customary Sunday night dinner (rest of the family comes--even Caleb, when he and Jackie are up from Nashville. Every Sunday. No kidding. Your mom is so jealous), okay, um. Okay, forgot the original point halfway through that grammatically incorrect paranthetical statement.
Anyway, we both came away with the same thing: Spiderman is stupid. Mary Jane? The chick that keeps running after the rich Goblin kid Harry, and then the spacestranaut guy in the first movie? The Broadway singer, who is struggling to find her "dream" on Broadway. You will always be second to her "dream", dummy. Broadway wannabe's are
like that.Oh, and she keeps stealing the black girls' moves. Stupid cheerleader.
So, she played Marie Antoinette in that other movie. About Marie Antoinette. That nobody saw. So that doesn't count.
And you had that upside-down kiss where she had that pink shirt on in the rain. Yeah, your "Spidey" sense must have been going a mile a minute. But a few things, there, young man. She's not really as busty as you think. Her body is just kind of...freakish. She has small endowments that look large because there is a temporal vortex where her ribcage should be. Young Spidermen may dig that, but to us married guys who have wives that ARE nicely endowed, she's gross.
Secondly, that was two freaking movies ago! You're still hanging on! Two movies ago. Still not together permanently. You do the math.This girl is not the MJ from the comics.
You know who you SHOULD go after? Ursula. The cute little landlord's daughter across the hall. Okay, yeah, cute is a subjective term. I mean, you'd probably never be
able to have kids with her, not because she's so skinny her 2-inch pelvic bone would crush your baby's heads to death, but because those pointy daggers she calls hipbones would emasculate you. (Look real close. Just above the pants. See them? Yep. Daggers.)But in any event, she was so sweet. She brought you cake, every time you were sad. Cake. She didn't run to Harry. She made you cake. And brought you milk. And she had no idea you were Spiderman (MJ knew--and she still ran to Harry!!!). Imagine what she'd bake you if she knew. Like, baklavas and crap. Tirimisu, maybe. And her bony fingers would give you shoulder massages.
And she wore pigtails, which is cute. And you know what they say about quiet girls... (hehe. Lydia was quiet).
And her eyes were striking. Mesmerizing, even. See:
Hee hee. All good points, my dear (and no, I'm not referring to the hip bones). Those pics at the end just sealed it. Spiderman is stupid for not seeing what was right in front of him the whole time.
ReplyDeleteShe is sweet, but I don't think I could shake the character she played in Joan of Arcadia. But then, Peter probably didn't see that show, so... what are you waiting for, Pete?
ReplyDeleteNot just Joan of Arcadia, Maine. She played a crack whore on The Shield. One of the cops took advantage of her. I think her characters outside of the Spiderman movie are not so...endearing.
ReplyDelete